I think Henry Wadsworth Longfellow might have put how I'm feeling into words.
"The heights by great men reached and kept / were not attained by sudden flight / But they, while their companions slept / Were toiling upward in the night"
I don't sleep anymore. I haven't slept since traveling through Africa, really, and I wish I were exaggerating. It's been seven exact days since I arrived back in America, and it feels as if I never left. It's this odd sensation between extreme exhaustion and a craving to keep myself busy because I don't have the time to be sad. I find that the busier I am, the less I think about the countries, the people I left behind. There is no time for depression or reminiscence or living in my head. There is no time.
So, I am working two jobs and taking decently difficult english and psychology courses to keep myself in mental shape, or at least to keep me from having a sappy breakdown. But who can overload themselves on work when all they want to do is sleepsleepsleep? I stare longingly at my pillow, my comforter, and wish I could just rest my head instead of reading five more chapters of Sherwood Anderson. I wish I could replay every single second of my summer while standing under the flowing amazingness of a hot shower for more than fifteen minutes. I wish I had time.
When I do have time, I find myself zoning out like a zombie on some sort of mellow downer. It's kind of ridiculous. I can't focus properly. I think I might be burnt out.
...
So, I am in need of a nice body massage and five days worth of sleep, but life will be life, and we will all carry on. I will set aside my zombie-esque stares and shake myself out of those dazed, exhausted stupors and get to work. There will come a day, hopefully sooner rather than later, where I will have the time to look back at my summer and nod my head, knowing that it was so insane, so amazing, so incredibly worth every penny I saved up for it. But right now, right now I think I might take my pillow up on its offer of semi-sleep, and give in to the night while I still have the energy to crawl into my bed.
G'night, folks. Sleep well.
Good night baby, sweeet summer dreams. Remember when reality hits you square in the face of tomorrow , you will be prepared as you are with everything in life..to handle it with care, to ease into decisions, and enjoy every minute God gives you to bask in self contemplation. The slower moments can be relished just as the ones that fly by in an instant...it's the journey not the destination that keeps us awake.
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