People fall out of love all the time. It's like this contagious disease (yes, I just compared falling out of love to a disease. A contagious one, at that). Its become the norm, it seems, which I find to be extremely depressing.
Want my conclusions? Married couples stop holding hands after a while. They stop stealing glances at each other from across the dinner table (instead they yell at their kids to sit up straight and eat your potatoes!) They stop going on dates, stop surprising each other, stop caring. Or so it seems.
Maybe I just have skewed, biased perception of what a marriage looks like, but I have to lay this on the table. I don't want a marriage that looks like that.
I was talking to some friends tonight over heaps of spaghetti and from-scratch chocolate chip cookies, and I've come to some serious conclusions about my future. I don't (and sure as hell won't) end up with a dud marriage. (I know, I know, you're thinking well goodness, girl! One step at a time...don't you have to find a guy first? Hmmm?) Yeah, yeah...that's just part of the equation...but I'm stepping up on my soapbox tonight. Just let me talk.
I want the kind of marriage that brings laughter all of the time. I want to sit back on the couch at night and cuddle just because. I want to go on surprise dates, and travel to crazy places, and tell secrets at 3AM because isn't that what best friends do?
I want to be secure, but not so comfortable that everything seems dull. It's got be be this constant haze of underlying excitement, because I think when that passionate spark goes out, so does the light in married couples' eyes. I've seen the dullness. I don't think I can handle that dullness.
I want to argue and then make-up. I'm not asking for perfection or too much at all. I'm just thinking that if marriage is the ultimate step, the final step of a relationship....why spend it with someone that doesn't do all of these things with you? Why venture 10, 20, 50 years with someone who doesn't always rock your boat, make you smile? It's not a complicated task. It's about keeping the light in your eyes after life seems to crash and burn with every complicated, minute struggle.
Whew. I'm glad I figured all of this out now. I feel ten steps ahead of the game. And it is a game, you know.
You are ahead of the game. Knowing what you want is 80%. You'll get it. I know it.
ReplyDeleteYou see the thing that makes the thing work. I call it "team spirit", even though I am the very last sports jock. Laughter, surprises, date nights after 20 years.... all is about the "nest" you build together. Dating a while helps you find out about the inner person you want to share life with. Talk a lot. It's good for the soul.
ReplyDelete